17.4.06

One Great Love


I may be a devote catholic...i make sure i never missed sunday mass..i have always found real peace, inner peace when inside a church...i am loyal to my religion..i know that God is just everywhere..But i must admit that no matter how much i would keep that faith remain intact..a part of me is still controlled by the strong grip of the reality of life..a life that is so earthly...shallow...so physical...no profoundness...the search for a life that is so temporal...and i was starstruck one day to have gotten this text message: " I was searchin for true love but I couldn't find one..to my surprise, I found Him...hangin on the cross, dyin for my sins, a man named JESUS...may you find true meaning of Life thru HIM!"

Such a realization....and it's something amazing...He has to die for such a great cost..."TRUE LOVE".

10.4.06

man's best fren


i don't know why i find such relief when i would begin to cuddle my pet dog..there's just this touch in her that melt the tough part of me esp. when she would start to sit on my lap and lick my face like i've been gone for years.

hidey..that's what i name her..she used to hide under the table,chair,cabinet or any place where she felt safe from being touched...the most aloof pup in the world..now my hidey is almost a year older...with her fur shining...she has such a cute face and beautiful hair that i can't resist to touch and hug...might be weird to be too fun with pets but i grew up lover of them..mind you..i never run out of tears each time my dogs before would get sick and even end up to their final breath..walang paglagyan ang luha ko!!!grabeee...ask my siblings and they'd be the first to laugh at my ka-weirdo-han!i remember a friend once told me "unsaon na lang kaha daw kon uyab na mawala!"...deep inside i felt ashamed and even laughed at the idea...yet i still believe that dogs are man's best friend...animals have great significance in our lives...its such a soothing feeling when my dog wags her tail each time i would get home after a long day tiresome activity at work...the fact that there's this humble creature waiting excitedly to be noticed even when i hardly do at times....aside from being the 'bantay' when a stranger approach...their luv i guess is unconditional once you get their trust...mmm..i miss my dog..feels like i wanna be home again.

Note: the pic. above is not hidey but just looks like her.

7.4.06

latest lingua...expressions...kaka!!!

"Chaka oi!"
"charing!"
"pa'no na itich!!"
"etchuuss!"
"tseenesss!"

....juz few of the expressions commonly heard...used by today's gen-X esp. gays..actually without meaning that's why its called "expression"..i wonder if there were expressions like these during the time of Rizal or Bonifacio...but of course there were gays during those era...jz that they might be more reserved than the present period...if this is the kind of language/expression that we can produce during this time, i wonder what else could our grand or great generation could utter many years from now.....and i hope they can still end up able to understand their own comfortable "lingua franca" (if i may call it) ...we filipinos are actually good at making joke out of everything that even politicians, high-ups or respected people in the society end up to be our laughing stock when they are imitated by mostly gays...nothing against gays...in fairness they're the most easy people to deal with..and these expressions mark our ability to entertain ourselves despite of the poverty that the country is facing....it helps in fact...no worry for the coming generation about not being able to develop a sense of good communication skills by finding these expressions as substitute to being lack of vocabulary...we have every now and then newly produced milks to create geniuses like "promil, sustagen, etc."...and truly kids nowadays have amazing reasoning! if these milks were already produced back to some decades in the past..wow!would i be able to avail it?i could have great mind!!hehehe...sometimes i would still believe that the milk helps...but sometimes its also the "genes" like how an ad goes...well back to "gay's lingua"..this is all i can say...."my motherich wrinkled when my gay friend phoned me and all we did the whole time were saying these expressions after every end of our dialogue!". For sure she was amazed but of no choice but to listen with her brow raised.:-)

5.4.06

My open letter to Mr. X

"The best of ones' journey is not where he's final destination may be but what are experienced along the way..."

I could not begin to tell you how I feel today. For several times i'd endured the thought of not minding where we'd headed. But this time I want to be at peace with myself. I think every story has to have its final page. And this is it. This does'nt mean that i've stopped loving and caring for you..just that i have to so i can pave way for the best to come. Might be sad to realize that I could not consider ours as one but you definitely made still a wonderful difference. I will always cherish the times when i shared memories with you, especially the happy ones. Up to
this moment, I could not clearly define what kind of relationship was it we were building...all i know is that we were able to create a special kind of friendship that only our hearts knew its real meaning. And I know its still something tangible and genuine. Though we went thru misunderstandings that add up spice in this journey we're making, I never despise the first time you said "hi!" to start a wonderful and rewarding friendship.

Thanks for the happy times...for every heartbeat when life's just seemed so easy to bear because of the smiles that you effortlessly painted on my face. I could never be bitter when I see couples holding hands to express their love...when i hear musics that speak of what entails loving...and when i go watch love stories that might have depicted ours somehow. Our distance before made you near me still,by just making me a part of your daily struggle. But that was over. We'd made already history. So that when we're older, we'll have beautiful stories to narrate to our grandchildren.

My gratitude for having a timely intervention in my life. I know by now you're happy. I wouldn't care to ask at all what came to you after the promises (if i may call it as one)...and i wouldn't care to find the answer out of it either. We just couldn't go on hurting each other coz in this world we all deserve to be happy. And if that happiness is not for what we'd started, that could be for what we are about to start with somebody else. Goodbye is the hardest word that anybody could utter, but it's the sweetest for more wonderful people waiting to be making memories with us. I wish you happiness in for whatevever decision you'll be making.

You have remained mysterious to me but I wouldn't care to find out what's behind this mystery at all. All i know is that "I've finlly moved on."

Till then...

3.4.06

its suMMer Tym!

it's summer vacation and evrybody's probably thinkin' how to spend their time maybe with their families, friends and lovers. might be thinkin of goin to the beach or a vacation to baguio or tagaytay.... mmm...i miss my bestfriend...she's got to travel back to GenSan with her only son for much bigger opportunity...i got to yawn when she texted me yesterday morning that she's leaving davao again for good...miss you bes!

...i woke up this morning without being in a hurry to be late for work....i guess this is the moment when i would savor my every waking hour like being able to stretch my body for a minute and look at idly out of my window to appreciate the sunshine. the kids are off for school.my long month off for tutoring...hayyy!got to breath enough! i'm also on a vacation. but not tonight coz i've work to attend...a detour far from teaching...i look around me..all of my siblings are out for work. mother is in the kitchen while popcy is outside the house tending his chickens that he's been raising since.oh..the house' so quiet. when was the last time t'was filled noise by how my brothers, sisters and I would quarrel over small things?...back when we were yet matured to work independently on our own and earn a living. now, the house has appeared to be like boarding house. i wonder what my parents could have been thinking. i know they're ok...being used into it. just that i realize it now.sometimes i couldn't help but worry for them, i just noticed while i talked to mama this morning, her hair has turned white..(though mom doesn't actually look like her age coz she's pretty...mmm..where i got mine?char lang!:-)...my folks are getting older and much of our time together is needed.it gave me a sense of fulfillment to be able to give them a good food-trip-treat out during my payday no matter how meager my income may be.no amount of money could pay the moments together,anyway.being with your family is such a real blessing.we might haven't grown up to be close and open to our emotions but we can manage to be for each other still during each other's crisis time.(y'know like talkin bout financial stability).anyway,oh!speaking of payday..just got mine today uh!mmm...what's new in pizza store or restau for the folks?but wait!!i only bought four items in the grocery this pm but twas almost a hundred pesos worth!uh!uh!think the EVAT has ruined my budget..tsk.tsk.

anyway,gotta off the topic... being at work this late...think i miss my pillow!but got to work first!!!

28.3.06

Out of Nowhere... I'm in Contemplation..



It's my first day in the office...i mean, my first time to be workin' in this very unholy hour while everybody is in their most convenient sleeping position. Mmm...I don't know if i'd be successful in this challenging task.. Another avenue far from teaching. But all I know is that "no soldier has ever seen defeat before the battle begin".(from helen keller) Nway, there's the music, my resolve when i begin to feel stereotype..no boredom can ever block my passion for music as i too am in my continued search for true luv thru melodies.Y'know music tells my luv story..your luv story..our luv stories.

Minsan naisip ko ninamnam ko na yata lahat ng luv songs and luv stories sa mundo and i would ironically begin to ask myself,"Am i too sadist to feel what do in luv and broken-hearted people feel?". But then along with the hurts and joys that falling inluv brings is a realization later on that experiences are not designed to making us just like couched potatoes waiting to be noticed and picked. But it's making us individual already honed and prepared for the best to come. I would still stick on the idea that things happen for a reason with a worthy cause and a balance purpose. And that from afar there's still this mystery waiting to be unfold.

Sabi nga nila minsan niloloko tayo ng ating sariling nararamdaman. Lalo na kapag magising ka na lang isang araw na wala ka nang nararamdaman para sa isang tao. Like crampled paper, the person we once fell inluv with become out of use. We have the attitude kasi na we always rely on our emotion, we become too impulsive and tend to rush things. We are too impatient to see what's at the far end. ONly because we believe so much in what the heart initially feel than trying to figure out first what it might do us as a person. I admit I am guilty of that.

Like butterflies we have to go thru series of development to become colorful and beautiful. But most often than having greater realization we forget to be like one. Might be too superficial or corny and lousy to be compared to the metamorphosis of what an insect has to go thru than what life does. But then life is best cherished in the simplicity that it brings and from there we can only find real satisfaction. But then that would still depend on the person's personal belief. After all it's not the winning in every trial but it's still being able to smile and appreaciate life inspite.

Everything in this wordl is a risk but then sabi nga nila, "it is better to try and fail than not to try at all", very common but its impact is clear...experience is the best teacher..in all aspect....intellect is just a format...but you can never tell once you're into it...like in fAlling in luV.

21.2.06

I'll be over you...


I'll be Over You...

Some people Live their dreams
Some people Close their eyes..
Some people's destiny, passes by...
There are no guarantees
There are no Alibis
That's how our love must be, don't ask Why..
It takes some time, God Knows how long...
I know that I can forget you
as soon as my heart stops breakin..
And tears stops fallin..
As soon as Forever is through...
I'LL BE OVER YOU...



" I will pick up the pride where I last left it because of you....and when that moment come..I know I'm already over you....and it won't be long...it's not gonna be forever."

13.2.06

The Death of Romance

I would like to share this excerpt from "OUr Daily Journey"...such a beautiful message addressed to the newly wed from a concern parent...and here it goes....


"You have now reached the time when your romance must die. In fact, it is necessary for romance to die in order that love may live and grow. Think of it this way: Your wedding marks the day when you plant the seed of romance. Romance is important;but it is not love itself;it is the seed of love-the seed of married love.



" Romance is a collection of pleasant emotions that come naturally with the anticipation of spending life together with the one you love. It is healthy and natural for you to have visions about the house in the suburbs, cuddly babies, and walks in the autumn woods with your perfectly lovable children skipping through the leaves.


"Yes, those times do indeed come- but they are mostly unplanned. And the moment will come when the pleasant emotions of romance are scattered by the winds of reality:burdensome car payments, orthodontist bills, sick babies wailing in the night, children fighting on the lawn and quarrels between the two of you. Then the towering flame of romance will dwindle- and sometimes even appear to be gone. The one you say you love has become unlovely. For a fleeting moment you allow the thought to cross your mind, " Do I really love him- Do I really love her- anymore? Is our love gone?"


" Don't you believe it! Its is at that moment when romance finally germinates into genuine love and begins to grow. On those days when it seems that nothing is left of your relationship but commitment, that is when God can teach you the great lesson that few people seem to understand: Love is not an emotion;it is an act if will. You are not declaring to everyone present today that you are "in love" but then you are now making a willful commitment " to love".

" Remember, your marriage can never be threatened by the loss of love, only by the loss of your personal commitment to love."---Dean Ohlman


This article moved me so much...reminding me of how I see my parents for decades as couple who seldom talks without heating into an argument.I really thought once how they have actually survived each day as partner. When both have different views or opinions. When both are dominants and no one stoops.And they end up fighting.I even questioned the integrity of thier love for each other.I never realized that love is beyond mushy lines, romantic objects and surprises....I was a big wrong...because the next morning ,after a big fight ,I still find them talking as if nothing happened. Could it be that they have learned to commit with love? I guess there's no question 'bout that...for love is something one can't just fathom by seeing how sweet lovers are...it's more than a will...it's a commitment.