Close with nature...

I am not good in photography...all I knew as I took these pictures was that I want to capture the things I very seldom notice in most of my waking hours. Just that while my eyes can still clearly see and my spirit still dynamic to feel the wind blowing my hair and appreciate the gifts of nature as I look at the sun rising and setting, I wanna do it now.

Is this a starfish? It's tinier...its feature is not as strong as the other starfish that I usually see. But as I see how different it is from the rest, I realize that this one has its own uniqueness...like everyone of us..no matter how small we think we are...God made things unique..you and me.

The sunset...a realization maybe that at the end of the day, things must calm down. We need to rest after a long busy hour of running after meeting deadlines to finish our work.Where there is no more rushing...

..to live in order to work and not to work in order to live.


How does a single woman give her unsolicited advice to a married one

My cousin has been married for 13 years now. I know that her getting into married life did not begin in a very wonderful romance. It was at first marriage for convenience. I know even from the start because she told me how things happened and why things have to happen.

Her single life back then was like a princess born with a silver spoon. Those times when all that she needed were actually provided by my aunt,her mom. She has a half-brother(a half-american) but her mom got separated to both to her biological dad and her half-brother's american dad. And so my aunt had to pull the load alone being a single mom to her two children. Before she finished college, her mom was diagnosed with a cervical cancer, suffered with the sickness for a year or two but did not survive. My aunt passed away and my cousin was left with nothing since her half-brother already got married during that time, living in a different city so far away from her.

It was as if she was living in a paralytic world when her mom died. She wasn't used to doing things by herself esp. about earning a living. She didn't even know anything about household chores at all. She admitted to herself so bitterly that it was embarrasing to have realized that her growing up pampered with everything by her mom really did not prepare her for a life that will help her grow a mature individual in the future. And she had regrets.

All she had in mind when she got married was that this man will save her from living in an empty solitude of having not knowing where her life might lead her without her real family by her side at all. She simply felt alone and unloved and so when her boyfriend proposed, she simply accepted it hoping that her life will have more of a grand meaning. Later on she admitted that she has already learned to love her husband...providing them with the things she and their children needed.

But then as years went by,she sadly realized that this is not the man that she wants to spend the rest of her life with. She was never free. She married a jealous and insecure man. And that by not allowing her to go out and socialize with her relatives and friends for sometimes made her feel like living in total seclusion. Plus the unreasonable jealousy of her husband telling her so stupidly that when he's not around she might have escaped and met with another man. Even accusing her that the baby she bore might not be his!Oh my!I wonder how did my cousin bear all her husband's stupidity.. forgetting her very own pride as a woman. They would fight almost everyday. Even when they already have 5 kids now..nothing changes. I told her that maybe you need to hear mass for sometimes with your husband so that God will bless this family that you two make. Well, what more could be more painful than realizing that later on she found out that it was her husband who actually cheated her. And that he once went out dating another woman. Her married life for her was like pure hell. But then her husband was wisely able to iron out the issue and so again all went back into normal but the jealousy remains. It hurts me so seeing her telling me while trying to control her tears that she tried to be a good wife and a mother,already wondering if her husband really loves her in the first place.

If only she could forget her responsiblity being a mother to her 5 kids, she might have probably been able now to enjoy her freedom. But a mother will always be a mother, ever willing to sacrifice her own happiness for the sake of her children. At times I get text mesages from her as if begging that I must pay her a visit for sometimes, she ,being hardly able to deal with the boredom by not having this freedom to go out for fear that her husband might just accuse her for something she could never do.

Now, she even blamed her past life being able to enjoy too much of her single life and now this is the prize that she gets. I told her to stop feeling so bitter about her life and regret things because in the first place God bless her with five children who are all lovable. I dont actually know how to comfort her..when just having me by her side listening to all her fears and woes doesn't seem enough. It seems to me that 11 or 12 years it must be of being an emotionally battered wife is just too much for her to bear.

One day, she texted me, telling me that she's going abroad the next day to work. I wonder where the kids are. Her eldest son is only a freshman in high school while her youngest is only two-year-old. And when I asked her how did her husband let her go...she simply replied saying.."He doesn't know..".


When night falls...

I coudn't help but grew sentimental after my conversation with sheng the other night before we parted ways on our way home. I felt like I have seen that scene for so many times in my life back then. Sheng is leaving for good back to her hometown the same way my very good friend Gladys and my college bestfriend lovely left Davao to be with their family. These three are truly my best buddies in the road I've travelled. I couldn't measure my gratitude to the Giver of life for giving me such opportunity to have met true friends in them.

Just when letting go good friends should become the usual scenario in my life, it seems to me that I must be the goddess of my own castle...must be ever willing to free the birds out of their cage. Hmm..what am I talking here? For the first time, as I sat quietly on a passenger's seat on my way home, I felt alone. Out of the blue, I was starting to feel nostalgic yearning for some important events in the past with special people who are now no longer within my grasp. Ahh!!..change!...how could you do this to me! Why is the pang of goodbye just couldnt go softly without leaving any trace of sadness but an open-mind acceptance for the inevitable! Sitting here infront of the pc monitor at this unholy hour must be one of my longest reflections...in the absence of even the slightest noise in solitude though...because I am thinking of these good fellows who just have to walk away chasing after their very own rainbow...Lord, I miss them!

Now as night falls, I will have wonderful memories with them neatly tucked in my heart...forever.Tomorrow will be a brand new day...it's I,me and myself again unfolding another chapter of life..still welcoming new friends and will soon be strong enough to let them go.... as night falls.


Kwentong Tyangge....

Nung sabado ng hapon, naaliw ako sa paglalakad-lakad sa Victoria,isang simple at di gaano kalakihang mall dito sa Davao. Wala lang..pampalipas oras..at the same time sabay tingin sa mga maliliit na boutique o mga tyanggehan. Mas marami kasing mura sa mga tyangge ngunit quality naman ang uri ng mga ito. Hindi po talaga ako fashionistang tao,I swear. Mawala na ako sa uso,pero mas gusto kong magdamit kung saan ako comportable. Ewan ko ba, sa lagay na ito eh parang ako na lang yata ang natitirang kauri ni Maria Clara.

Di rin naman ako konserbatibo pagdating sa pananamit,sabi nga nila "if you have it then flaunt it!eh kaso, medyo shy akong magflaunt kung anong meron man dapat i-flaunt..grabe ang confidence level ko...as in,i still have to dig it 10feet underground!Wala talaga, sayang na sayang ang gandang bigay ng langit...nyahahaha!Maong jeans lang at t-shirt na medyo may curve naman kahit papano(naks!)eh,"tsoks" na sakin yun.

Nung sabado, meron akong nakitang medyo babagay din naman sakin..naks!kaya dali-dali akong nagpunta sa fitting room. It happened naman na isa lang ang fitting room sa maliit na boutique na'yon kaya may nauna na pala isang babae. Pagpasok ko,sabay sabi ko sa babae habang inaayos nya self nya sa harap ng salamin. "Uyyy! miss...nice gud!(with feelings pa yun huh!)"which means, ang ganda nung suot nya..akala ko kasi yun ang sinusukat nya. Pero napahiya ako nung sabihin nya, "Akoa man ni miss,dili man ni mao akong gisukat",sabay turo sa blusang katatapos lang pala nyang isukat pagpasok ko.Nngeh!kanya pala yun at di yun ang sinusukat nya!Sabi ko naman,"hala!mas nindot pa imong suot kaysa sa imong gisukat miss!..sabay tawanan kaming dalawa. Joker man diay ko..kalimot ko dah!hahaha!

Pero, I swear natawa talaga ako sa sarili ko..pupuri rin lang palpak pa!haha!at sa kapal ng mukha ko tinanong ko pa yung babae kung saan nya nabili blusa nya. At nainggit daw po ang lola nyo!?hahaha!Hmm...la lang...napakwento lang. Ang saya pala mamili sa tyanggehan... nakakatipid ka na,may baon ka pang kwento. In fairness nakabili ako huh,gusto nyo makita? next time.. papicture ako kasama prince ko!hehe!ay nakuuu!ang ganda ko in pink...talo ko pa ang nag-debut!;p


A lesson in my closet...

I was on a rush..searching for something in my closet when my eyes were at once fixed unto this note i attached in my closet not very long ago and its message is so beautiful..really..i just realized this..and it moved me. Allow me share this with you. Here it goes...

Life's Lesson...

After a while you learn the difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
You learn that LOVE isn't learning but lending support.

You begin to accept your defeats with the grace of an adult,
not the grief of a child.

You decide to build your roads on today
for tomorrow's ground is too uncertain.

You help someone plant a garden
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

You learn that GOD has given you the strength to endure

-Author Unknown


Baha at paniniwala...

Hinintay kong tumila ang napakalakas na ulan kanina bago lumabas from work. Eto ang lagi kong pinangangambahan...tag-ulan na naman. Ok lang sana kung kahit araw-araw umulan,huwag lang ang laging binabaha sa daan. Malayo pa lamang ako sa aking uuwian ay nakikita ko na ang mangyayari sa paglalakbay kong iyon kanina. At hindi nga ako nagkamali...isang napakahabang traffic ang nag-aabang dahil sa bahang aming susuungin. Pasimpleng nagsalita ang driver ng taxi na aking sinasakyan...at eto ang kanyang tanging nasambit.."Bahala na!" na ang ibig sabihin ay talagang lulusob sa abot-tuhod na baha ang kay liit nyang taxi! Gusto kong makiusap na mag-U-turn na lang kami at humanap ng daan kung saan sigurado kaming makarating sa aming paroroonan.Pero tila ang pumasok sa isip ko ay mag-usal nga kaunting dasal.Habang unti-unting umusad ang taxi na aking sinasakyan, halos lumuwa ang aking mata sa aking nakita..kalye pa ba eto o dagat? Ramdam na ramdam ko lang naman po ang lamig at tilamsik ng tubig baha na aming dinaanan. Halos nakalimutan kong huminga nang sandaling iyon...paano na lang kung biglang tumirik ang taxi at kami'y ma-stranded sa napakalalim na baha! Ngunit nang kami'y makaalpas,hahayy..abot-langit naman ang aking pasasalamat. Salamat po Lord at ako'y maayos na nakauwi!

Ang totoo hindi ko alam kung himala yun..kasi halos lahat ng maliliit na sasakyang aming kasabay na lumusob sa baha ay tumirik talaga sa gitna.....pero nalampasan namin.Abot-tainga naman ang ngiti ng taxi driver sabay sabing,"salamat sa iyo taxi ko..dahil kinaya mo!" Pero ang totoo, hindi ng tibay ng taxi kung bakit nalagpasan namin ang baha kanina kundi dahil sa paniniwala...dahil sa munting dasal na maaring lihim nya at aking nausal ng sandaling iyon.