3.5.06

the mother that i know..

not everyday i get to express my emotions into words...when at times it's hard for me to utter a prayer for series of reasons i wish to confide to HIM.... i know for a fact that even when i don't have to say it...just as God could count the numbers of my hair same as He knows with what's within my heart...i guess this time i have made my knees callous...down on bended knee...i know deep in my heart God knows how deep i have been lately with every decision that i'm making each day...so long that i've waited to have felt total serenity not only when inside His holy temple but most importantly in my daily struggles in life..in my everyday encounter with people...i hate to see someone in despair...not even a stanger...it makes me sad...it melts me...that's why it's important to make sure to be somehow giving impact and painting smiles in life....i have always been feeling at peace...but not until i heard mama crying this morning.

what gift could else make happier or the happiest a mother than the love and concern coming from her husband and children?...she may have been talking all the time...whether it's a nagging thing or just to express an opinion but deep inside i know she's still talking less..she hasn't spoken with what's in her heart...

i may have been very good at giving sound advice to friends and people...but not today...i've been speechless hearing my mother bursting in tears...she's hurting..somebody close to her heart caused her such pain...but there's nothing i could do than listen and said nothing...i could not even look at her countenance...coz i know it's hurting me even more...my parents did not bring us up to be very open with our feelings..we're not mushy people...and it seems to me that not being used to it to my family has brought such anxiety in my heart..

...i cannot speak out and tell mama that it's ok coz i'm here...yes i was there when she cried...but i was stucked and remained dumbfounded clinging unto my pillow in bed while listening to that commotion she created so vaguely...but my ears were big to listen..it was mama crying...i could have gotten up and hugged her...but i did nothing...and the startling thought was telling me that it's ok to see her cry...i say.."let go of it mom!"....that tears will help give her relief...because she hasn't been talking what lies deep in her heart...let tears wash away the pain.

i could read mama...and even when she gives endless talking each day...i know a part of what she's not been saying is what makes her surpass from her own struggle......it's the fact that she's a mother...she may have been full of reasoning on her own..some may be quite boring..or some too comforting..that defines her still....i know that when i'll be a mom...i might be talking the same thing...speaking most of the day...feeling much...worrying a bit....but still talking less of my feelings...concealing some....now i know who mama is...and i will most probably be like one someday....maybe.

...happy mother's day mom!

...i'm just an inch away...even when you don't have to speak out...my heart already listens...if it hurts you..it doubly hurts me.

..i luv you so! ...i wouldn't be here if not for you.

6 comments:

tutubing_karayom said...

Waaaaaaa.. inunahan mokong magbati ng mothers day, 2 weeks ko ng project yan... diko pa natapos..

Nways, watever u feel right now ok lang yan. tao kalang nman kc at nasasaktan. A mothers pain, huh!!! mahirap talaga yan. Ngunit alam ko na kahit walang salitang lumabas sa iyo, nararamdaman ng iyong Ina ang pagmamahal at pagmamalasakit mo.

Sabi nga di nman kailangan dada ka ng dada para maibsan ang kanyang nadarama. kc pwede ring kahit tahimik kalang basta alam nyang anjan ka at nakikinig. counted na un day!!!!

pers onor nga ako, anong gip ko? bwheheh!

ev said...

salamat sa napaka-makabagbag-damdaming payo aking kaibigang tutubi...di ka rin lang pala kasama sa saya pati na rin sa aking lungkot at pagdurusa...

naks!malapit na akong magmana sayo..marunong na rin ako kunti tumula..ahhehehehe!

ok lang kung ako nauna mag-greet ng mother's day ang importante ay nasa puso mo na at isipan ang bagay na iyan.

dahil pirst honor ka lagi dito sa site ko reregaluhan kita ng bagong pakpak!hehehehe...yung colorful para mas kaakit-akit sa husband mo!bilisan mo ng magkababy!ipag-pray kita!:)

tutubing_karayom said...

Kaibigan, ang sakit ng aking tyan grabe, nasobrahan ako ng pagkain ng fruit salad. kaya napeste ang ipin ko at sumakit. hmmmpppp.. dalawa lang ibig sabihin nyan.. Apir tayo sumakit ang ipin ko at sumakit ang tyan ko.. sexbomb... sexbomb.... sexbomb...weeeeeeeeee

MaXi said...

napaluha ako sa post mo! i missed my mom na alam kong andyan parin sya sa tabi-tabi di koman nakikita nararamdaman ko pa rin ang presence nya. treasure your mom's presence ika nga sana I had more time to be with her nung andito pa sya at saka ala din akong chance na may tatawag sakin ng mommy nanay at kung ano ano pa... teka pala nagpapatawag pala ako ng mommy sa mga pamangkin atleast meron pala tumawag sakin ng ganun kahit ala akong chance maging full pledge mom.

Senorito<- Ako said...

Wow... just wow.. I love this posts. I can fully emphatize me mom's the same.

ev said...

to maxi and senorito:

ang sarap isipin na kahit baguhan ako ay may mga tulad nyo na nagparamdam na welcome ako dito...thanks for all your comments...we all love the people who give us life of course..who else would mean the world to us other than to where we came from!thanks uli..si TK na lagi kong karamay salamat talaga at di ka nagsasawa...very much appreciated.