the mother that i know..

not everyday i get to express my emotions into words...when at times it's hard for me to utter a prayer for series of reasons i wish to confide to HIM.... i know for a fact that even when i don't have to say it...just as God could count the numbers of my hair same as He knows with what's within my heart...i guess this time i have made my knees callous...down on bended knee...i know deep in my heart God knows how deep i have been lately with every decision that i'm making each day...so long that i've waited to have felt total serenity not only when inside His holy temple but most importantly in my daily struggles in life..in my everyday encounter with people...i hate to see someone in despair...not even a stanger...it makes me sad...it melts me...that's why it's important to make sure to be somehow giving impact and painting smiles in life....i have always been feeling at peace...but not until i heard mama crying this morning.

what gift could else make happier or the happiest a mother than the love and concern coming from her husband and children?...she may have been talking all the time...whether it's a nagging thing or just to express an opinion but deep inside i know she's still talking less..she hasn't spoken with what's in her heart...

i may have been very good at giving sound advice to friends and people...but not today...i've been speechless hearing my mother bursting in tears...she's hurting..somebody close to her heart caused her such pain...but there's nothing i could do than listen and said nothing...i could not even look at her countenance...coz i know it's hurting me even more...my parents did not bring us up to be very open with our feelings..we're not mushy people...and it seems to me that not being used to it to my family has brought such anxiety in my heart..

...i cannot speak out and tell mama that it's ok coz i'm here...yes i was there when she cried...but i was stucked and remained dumbfounded clinging unto my pillow in bed while listening to that commotion she created so vaguely...but my ears were big to listen..it was mama crying...i could have gotten up and hugged her...but i did nothing...and the startling thought was telling me that it's ok to see her cry...i say.."let go of it mom!"....that tears will help give her relief...because she hasn't been talking what lies deep in her heart...let tears wash away the pain.

i could read mama...and even when she gives endless talking each day...i know a part of what she's not been saying is what makes her surpass from her own struggle......it's the fact that she's a mother...she may have been full of reasoning on her own..some may be quite boring..or some too comforting..that defines her still....i know that when i'll be a mom...i might be talking the same thing...speaking most of the day...feeling much...worrying a bit....but still talking less of my feelings...concealing some....now i know who mama is...and i will most probably be like one someday....maybe.

...happy mother's day mom!

...i'm just an inch away...even when you don't have to speak out...my heart already listens...if it hurts you..it doubly hurts me.

..i luv you so! ...i wouldn't be here if not for you.