A license to hurt

Being hurt doesn't give one the license to hurt the person back in as much as he/she wanted to. After all, we cannot call it genuine love. When we realized that we're cheated by our partner, the reaction would probably be, we'd wish he/she would feel the same amount of pain.

But when there's already forgiveness for each other's failures and lapses, and these two people still decided to keep the relationship, move on, mend what's been broken and make the relationship even a stronger one that can withstand the test of time, then they should hold on to fight against the circumstances.

Authentic love means authentic forgiveness, and forgiveness means forgetting the past hurts and start anew. But that's not what I see in one situation around me. Just because the girl hurt him once in the past, he would unearth past mistakes anytime he wanted to and get mad and feed in as much as spoonful of hurting, harsh, demeaning words to the girl until he gets satisfied and clear his ego. Make the girl appear as always the bad one. Which he actually thought that being hurt once before, now give him the license to hurt his partner at any given moment.

A part of authenticity in love and forgiveness is accepting the person, regardless of the mistakes he/she made in the past. It does not make any self-gratification because the "I" has always been faithful and good while the "you" was once unfaithful and bad. In other words, if there is truthfulness in one's love, there too must be truthfulness in one's words. Unless when these two people realize that they can no longer find way to mend their broken relationship and call it "quit". But then the case is, the guy wouldn't let go of the girl. He wants to hold on to the relationship and yet he's not making it an even stronger one.

How can there still be love existing in a relationship when one would keep on reminding his partner of the past? How can there be moving on and starting of a new one if one hasn't let go of the past hurts? "The thing here must probably be, until when can there still be respect for each other even when the " I " no longer have the "You". When you just have to keep your silence and then go. It's not easy though, but true love knows what's letting go."


tikey said...

And true love knows WHEN to let go. A relationships is always been "WE" not you, me neither I.

Hoy kakatapos lang ng balentines ah! drama ei!

ev said...


hehe!at talagang pinaninindigan ko ang love month?..about love and relationship talaga mga entries ko!toinkz!at first i understand the guy but later on nainis nainis na ako..hmp.;0p

Midas said...

Hi Ev, this is an insightful post.

I agree that blaming shouldn't be a big part of a relationship. Otherwise, how can it possible work?

Anonymous said...

Love and caring goes both ways and maybe he hurt her first and she was only looking for an oulet, or maybe she did not mean to hurt him at all and it just happened. Maybe he want to hold on to her just to see how much he can hurt her before she breaks. In any case I am only saying it does not sound like it is a good relationship and if she hurt him then it is just possible that the relationship was not doing well at that time and just got worse. In any case it is not right to degrade the person you are sopposed to care about most. They sould be treated with kindness,and respect. only my opinions.

Mari said...

It's time to let go. Otherwise, it will be a pattern - you hurt me, I'll hurt you, and so on.

Nance said...

it is very very unhealthy to hate ... it will eat you up and the person you hate is probably not even aware of it!... so you're punishing nobody but yourself and/or the people who love you. it is hard to forget i know but easy to forgive and accept that it's done, nothing you can do ... we have that capability ... move on ... life is too short spending it hating someone.
my two cents. :)

as always, nice essay ev!

ev said...

Might be easy to say, we can forgive and forget when we're not in the situation...but then life is supposed to be lived forward.

As they say, "better to love and lost than not to love at all"...its hard, but we have to risk for love to know exactly what it means.

wITChy Boop said...

Now I know.
Life is to short to live it with hurting and hating.
We can do the fixing but we have to start it within our selves.

It takes two to tango.