My worn-out umbrella...

I and my two buddies went off from our work yesterday a little late. While walking out under the bleak cloud and the rain downpouring, each of us compared the umbrella we were holding. One said," Ev, look at my umbrella, it has loose thread!". The other said, ' she can't comment coz hers is just new". And i said, " Mine is worn-out, with almost all parts are crooked and not at all in shape but i love this umbrella inspite! The happy faces painted on my umbrella seem telling me that it's alright!"

I long wanted to buy a new one to replace this worn-out umbrella, but each time i would begin to recall how much i went through being trapped by the heavy rain, i realize that this umbrella has stood with me and that we two have weathered the test of time.

But my story goes deeper than what i wanted to emphasize about my used umbrella. Beyond my realm of living, a worn-out umbrella has its true meaning. There was one time that i even forgot to bring it while i was caught by a heavy rain, i began to realize its importance and started missing it in my life in that instance. Having my worn-out umbrella was like having Jesus in my life. I know that there'd be couple of times when He was just there in my package that i forgot to give importance. And then when time come that i am challenged again with my daily struggle in life, how come it would amount that i only ended up looking for nothing else but Him. But there was no complain. Each time i would look at His reflection, he just seemed so happy and content while i am under His shed. Like the happy faces that are painted in my worn-out umbrella. How ashamed i have been at times over that realization!

I remember one book that i came across with and read one page that goes.." the problem with you is that when your life goes well, you think you're the only one in charge, but when you're sick and things in your life don't go well, you think you're not in charge! BUT I.."....from Jesus. The line hit me.

Do take time to notice who gave us what we are enjoying today...coz i am not even capable of telling you as my reader that this wisdom is mine BUT from Him....these are all borrowed..to HIM sole...thank God for this gift!


Tagged by Razzy...

*What were you doing 10 years ago?
mmmm....di ko na maalala ah!nakupoh...may memory gap ako!!;)
...i was still a student that time...fell in love with the editor-n-chief of our school paper!ngek

* What were you doing 1 year ago?
just work..at pumunta sa mga bahay ng mga pinsan at mag-ingay!hehe

* Five snacks you enjoy:
1. chicharon
2. manggang hilaw(snack ba to?)
3. saging
4. boy bawang
5. lahat ng pwede kainin!;)

* Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
hala!ala ata ako kabisado na lyrics ......
...basta when i sing, it doesnt matter kung memoryado ko as long as i like the meaning of each line yun na kinakanta ko na!kaya di ako pwede sumali ng singing contest, baka matalo lang dahil sa di kabisado ang kanta..hehe. Nung nag-choir ako, dami ako alam na lyrics pero di na ngayon.

* Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Pay all the bills.
2. Build a simple house.
3. Build a charity home for the unwanted children.
4. Build a business for my parents.
5. I'll send my poor relatives to school.

* Five bad habits
1. Waking up late.
2. Get depressed easily.
3. Daydreaming (in short tumunganga!)
4. Submit a project when it's due time already the next day!
5. Changeable mind.

* Five things you like doing:
1. play with my dog
2. just write
3. staring from nowhere
4. listen to love songs
5. sing

* Five things you would never wear again:
1. wristwatch
2. sandals with high heels
3. shirt na maraming kaparehas(like razzy)
4. make-up (unless needed)
5. mahabang hikaw(like razzy)

* Five favorite toys:
1. barbie doll(of which i didn't enjoy to have when i was a kid).
2. brick game
3. kite
4. stuff toys
5. bangkang papel


An open letter to Christopher....

Two years back when you were introduced to me. I could not forget your first line.."you're shy..." I smiled at you and you said "hi". Our first lesson started from scratch. I found it hard at first...the thing i wasn't used to be. I could not measure the patience i have to bear. But along the way i've found you already a part of me. There are times when i wanted to say.."i quit!". But each time i would look at your innocent countenance makes me realize there's more for you to know and learn. And then maybe there's more that i can offer.

I understand how hard it is for you when at times i had to teach you some things that normal kids know. You'd always complain. And when times I had to raise my voice to get your attention.When it's just too hard for you to sit down. It must be hard I know. But you deserve to realize what every child has to. Each time I would start the day dealing with you, i could not help but wish that one day, you will have a lot know before i go.

If only you could read what's in my mind and in my heart...my love and concern for you is pure Chris. My heart woul leap a bit when you already learned what i imparted. It makes my day complete. Know that what made me the best mentor in the world is by just having you. You know it breaks my heart to see you so limited in your abitity to learn. But what can I do? I am only a human being trying hard to be the best in what i can just offer. Sometimes it feels pathetic for me. Sometimes I would question the real Giver of life why I had to be with you and deal with you patiently when I can be with the normal rest...when i could choose the easiest.

My heart would sink at times Chris. When it had to be tough for you to learn what's basic. There are quite moments when I had to get inside the comfort room in the middle of our discussion because I wanted to cry...I wanted to shout to ease the tension. I always want to reserve every little patience that's left in me for you. Because you matter to me...I saw you almost giving up this morning. You'd always say "it's hard"...but I'd still insist on you that you can do it. We have build a wonderful friendship Chris that not even money can buy. And I want you know that. Your prayer everytime we begin seems like the most wonderful one that i could imagine. And it's when what you can just ask God by simply saying "thank you for everything..". And then i feel good to have shared with you at least what faith is.

Hang on Chris...I know you still have a lot to go!

teacher Ev


The father in him....

..just sometimes wondering what is it in his voice that brings so much authority..is it because he's a father?or just maybe because even if he talks very little...his words bring such might to his kids....

"Father & Son"

It's not time to make a change
Just relax, take it easy
You're still young, that's your fault
There's so much you have to know
Find a girl, settle down
If you want you can marry
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy

I was once like you are now
and I know that it's not easy
To be calm when you've found something going on
But take your time, think a lot
Why, think of everything you've got
For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not

How can I try to explain, when I do he turns away again
It's always been the same, same old story
From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen
Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away
I know I have to go

It's not time to make a change
Just sit down, take it slowly
You're still young, that's your fault
There's so much you have to go through
Find a girl, settle down
if you want you can marry
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy

All the times that I cried
keeping all the things I knew inside
It's hard, but it's harder to ignore it
If they were right, I'd agree
but it's them you know not me
Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away
I know I have to go

~~~happy father's day papa!~~~and to all fathers!


memory lane(part 2).....

Nang pumasok ako ng klase, ewan ko lang kung napraning ako sa naging katayuan ng shoes ko at di na ko nakapagconcentrate...natakot ako na baka tawagin ako ng prof namin at papuntahin sa gitna..syempre kelangan ko maglakad papuntang harapan!Basta ang alam ko, gusto kong bilisan ang takbo ng orasan para matapos na ang araw na yun at makauwi na ko.Di ko alam kung matatawa ako o maiiyak tuwing naalala ko buhay ko bilang working student.

Natapos ang contract ko as working student sa isang di magandang insidente. Hindi ako naka-duty ng araw na yun dahil may exam ako na nataon naman sa oras ng shifting ko. Nagpaalam ako syempre at nagbilin sa isa kong kasama na working student din na sya na muna bahala sa library habang ala ako. Nag-usap kami ng maayos a day before, pero naaksidente ang kasamahan ko with her boyfriend sakay ang motosiklo. Wala akong kaalam-alam sa nangyari nung una. Kaya hindi sya nakaduty at walang staff na nagbabantay sa library. Nagulat na lang ako kinabukasan nang kausapin ako ng head namin na tapos na daw contract namin as working students dahil sa nangyari,dahil napabayaan raw namin ang aming mga trabaho.In short, nadamay ako sa nangyari sa kaibigan ko. Gusto ko sanang magpaliwanag sa totoong dahilan pero nagdesisyon sila without trying to get our side. Akala ko, lahat ng professionals, professional din mag-isip...mali yata ako sa taas ng tingin ko sa management. Kaya umuwi na lang ako at sinabi sa nanay ko nangyari. Ok naman yung friend ko na staff din at nagsorry naman sya sakin sa nangyari. Of course naiintindihan ko, aksidente yun eh. It just happened that our bosses are not that considerate or broadminded.

Umiyak ako after i told my mother bout it. Natakot kasi ako na baka hindi ko na maitutuloy ang kurso ko. Pero sabi ng nanay ko, igagapang nila ni tatay pag-aaral naming magkakapatid. Lalo akong nalungkot dahil alam kong mahihirapan sila sa mahal ng tuition sa college. Kaya i pursued my study. Para din akong kumuha ng kursong engineering nun, five years ko kasi natapos kurso ko sa college of Arts. Di makapag summer classes o full load dahil di sapat ang pera. Nasubukan ko pa nga mag promissorry note at di pinagbigyan ng madre. Akalain mong sabihin pa sakin na bakit pa daw ako nag-aral kung di naman kaya!?Nang lumabas ako ng ofis nya, gusto ko syang isumpa sa pagiging madre nya!hehehe..sumasama na ugali ko ng time na yun ah! Ang sakit naman kasi ng sinabi nya, para syang di nagsilbi sa Diyos.

Sa awa ng Diyos natapos ko rin kurso ko. Hayyy sa wakas, graduate na ko!!!Naluha ako after I got my diploma! Hindi ko kasi expected na nakatuntong ako ng stage...hehehe..ang drama noh!ang corny!;)

When I finished college, ang tagal ko rin nakahanap ng trabaho. Pero sabi nga nila, pag may tiyaga, may nilaga! Nagkaroon din naman ako ng desenting trabaho kalaunan.Sa dami ng pictures at resume na naipamahagi ko sa mga inaplayan ko(na nagmukha akong wanted!) sa wakas meron din nakapansin!:0)

Ngayon iba na namanng hamon haharapin ko. Panibagong yugto, panibangong responsibilidad. Hindi man matapos- tapos ang pagsubok, maybe this time pinatibay na rin ako ng panahon. Mahina pa rin deep inside, sumusuko pa rin minsan pag di na kaya...pero isa lang pinanghahawakan ko..maaring nating lahat...and it's our FAITH!

And yes...life is a JOURNEY..


memory lane..

When i was younger, i thought life was easier...na napakadali lang mangarap. Mula ng tumuntong ako ng koleheyo bilang working student mula first year hanggang second year college..pakiramdam ko ang hirap-hirap pala talaga ng buhay.

I worked as an assitant librarian. Nagkataon naman na nagkaroon ako ng masungit na boss. Umaga pa lang ubos na energy ko sa library. At sinalo ko na lahat ng alikabok dahil kahit nakasuot ako ng uniporme kong puting-puti, ay hindi na ito kulay puti pagpasok ko ng college building. Naroon pa yung halos gawin akong janitress sa may library building ng boss ko at pinag-mop ako sa labas ng library sa halos buong floor ng second level...i will never forget that scene....mangiyak-ngiyak pa ko habang ginagawa ko yun...akala ko assistant librarian ako dun..multi-tasking pala ako..huhuhu!Pero ok lang, kaya ko 'to. Pero ang pinaka-masaklap ko na experience sa sungit kong bossing ay nung may nawala akong resibo at pinahalungkat talaga nya sa'kin ang tambak na basura..ngilid na ang luha ko nung time na yun...tiniis ang masangsang na amoy ng basura...puno na ng pawis buo kong katawan mahanap lang ang lintek na resibo na yun...only to find out in the end..nung mahanap ko na at iniabot sa kanya ...ay di na pala nya kelangan dahil di naman pala mahalaga!Umiyak talaga ako pagkatapos ng duty ko!Gusto ko syang murahin pero hindi ko kaya dahil di naman ako likas na masamang tao...niluha ko lahat!Ang saklap! Bawat oras na kasama ko ang sungit kong amo ay parang ang liit ng tingin ko sa sarili ko.

Ubos ang energy level ko pagkatapos ng duty. Pero kelangan ko pang mag-aral ng leksyon ko. Sa awa ng Diyos kahit kunti lang oras ko para mag-aral ay nagawa ko namang ipasa lahat ng subjects ko nun. Wala akong masyadong kakilala sa college building. Trabaho-eskwela-bahay ang rota ko. Kapag may bakanting oras naman ay kelangan magkulong sa library dahil wala akong sariling libro. Daig ko pa si Darna nung time na yun. But I want to finish college. Ang hirap maging working student dahil nagkaroon ako ng masungit na boss. Kaya ko sana tiisin ang pagod. Pero ang makasama ang isang tigre sa habang nasa gitna ng laban..yun ang nagpapahirap sakin.

Alala ko din, dahil nga naman sa hirap ng buhay namin, kelangan kong pagtiyagaan ang bawat sentimo na kaya lang iabot ng nanay ko na kinita naman nya sa pananahi at minsan mas malaki pag may malaking kinita si tatay ko sa trabaho. Alam mo yung pakiramdam na kelangan wag mahulog ang piso sa bulsa ko dahil baka di ako makauwi pagkat kulang na pamasahe ko!huhuhu! Kala ko nag-iisa lang ako nung time na yun! Meron pa akong ala-mentos na karanasan dahil itong mumurahin kong sapatos ay biglang bumigay ang isang heel!Ilang minuto na lang ay magsisimula na ang klase!At ang naisip ng darna? Bumili ako ng bubble gum...mabilisan kong nginuya na daig pang isang kambing at inilapat sa bumibigay ko nang heel!And slowly walked down the aisle dahil baka mapalpak!

(..itutuloy...)ang part two sa next blog ko naH..andito nanay ko..nag-aabang at nagyaya nang umalis kami..till next time!hehehe


Hospital Bed...

Nagpunta ako hospital kahapon after work...dinalaw ko ang lola ko na maysakit.Naalala ko pa nung una....ayaw ko talaga ng amoy ng hospital. Kaya nga di talaga ako pwede kumuha ng medical course. Ewan ko ba, pero naalala ko sabi ng bestfriend ko nuong college. Ang pinaka di nya makakaya sa ospital ay ang marinig ang mga ungol at daing ng mga naroon. Same thing with me, nakakapanghihina lang kasi makawitness ng mga ganyang katayuan. At tsaka, takot ako sa injection! Kapag nasa ospital ako feeling ko katapusan ko na. Kaya nuong nagkasakit ako nang dalawang linggo, di talaga ako pumayag dalhin ng nanay ko sa ospital. At nung natakot na nanay ko, hinila nya na ako pasakay ng taxi, aba!di pa kami nakarating ng ospital bigla akong gumaling! Ewan ko lang kung nagkunwari akong magaling na nung time na yun, pero totoo talaga di kami natuloy. Uwi na lang kami.

Kagabi, matagal din akong nagbantay sa lola ko..minatyagan ko bawat galaw nya sa hospital bed. Paglipas ng ilang minuto ay bigla syang dadaing na kung anong may masakit sa katawan nya. I felt the sting of rationality during that time. Isang realization that we're only human...where nobody is excempted. Lalo na pag health na pag-uusapan. Totoong-totoo nga ang kasabihang "health is wealth".

Bigla ko tuloy naisip sa pagtulog ko ang mga eskenang nakita ko sa ospital. Naalala ko when my brother passed away at a younger age. Laking pagsisisi ko nuon dahil di ko sya nadalaw sa ospital. Kaya ngayon, kahit ayoko pumasok ng ganyang lugar kelangan may oras ako sa mga taong mahalaga sakin. Ayoko ng magsisi pa. Di mo na kasi maibabalik ang nangdaan. Kaya heto bumabawi. Pero ang totoo, napraning ako kagabi...si lola, nakita ko dumadaing at inaaruga ng tita ko...wala na kasi si lolo...mga tatlong taon narin ang nakalipas...nauna na syang iniwan. Naisip ko tuloy, pag umabot kaya ako sa ganitong edad, sino kaya nasa tabi ko pag nagkasakit ako(?). Isang napakalaking katanungan na bumagabag sakin habang naglalakad ako palabas ng pasilyo ng ospital. Naku!bakit ko nga ba pino-problema ang ganyang bagay...minsan talaga napaparanoid ako kapag mga ganitong kasama sa buhay na ang usapan. Ewan ko ba!Puno kasi ng hiwaga ang buhay. Lahat tayo di mahulaan kung ano tayo bukas makalawa. Ah! basta..di na ako mag-aalinlangan ipakita pagmamahal ko sa mga tao sa paligid ko....sabi nga ng isa kong friend...masaktan man sya sa huli..she will never hold back the feeling.


10 simple pleasures that i like most...

tagged by ghee...and as promised..here it is...

1. Pray- when i pray, i don't just say the basics( i mean the ready-made ones written on a pamphlet).I pray in a way only the Most Omnipotent One could understand...sometimes..in my silence..even when i don't have to utter a single word...deep in my heart..i know He could read me.

2. Laugh-" smile so that the world will smile back to you..".. i love to joke around...might not have the cutest smile in the world but....all i know is that it's a wonderful feeling to be able to laugh and exchange humor with people..sometimes we have to laugh at things...it's the secret of staying young.. at heart.

3. Eat- i love munching food...but i wonder why i never grow fat..mmm...i guess..i've lot's of "itchyworm"..in my tummy...;0)..yaykks!

4. Read- never stop the habit of learning...our mind gets to depreciate as we get older..and i believe that learning is a never ending process...mmm...take it from me..education doesn't end in school.

5. Sing- modesty aside...been a choir member back in high school..hehehe...i'm a frustrated singer, actually! i love songs...they pour out my emotions...am a hopeless romantic.

6. Clean- i have learned the habit of cleaning everything messy that i come across with..i always want my stuff in order..though sometimes i'd rather have to be idle than clean around while others are messing up...not that i'm obsessive compulsive...but i also believe that cleanliness is next to Godliness...(ito yung lagi kong nababasa na motto sa itaas ng blackboard namin back in high school and elementary).

7. Ma-in-love- ...mmmm...the most wonderful feeling anybody could ever imagine...where everything is easy to bear..the grass is greener...the world is much livelier...songs are more meaningful...and life seems..just seems.. perfect inspite of its oddity.

8.Teach- teaching doesn't mean being in a classroom setting...you can teach wherever direction in life you are heading...as long as you know that what you will be imparting to people do have ultimate values and worth...we all can make difference..no matter how little you think you're just.

9. Sleep- beauty rest is very important to all working and busy individuals...be sure to get 8 to 10 hours sleep...so that pimples will have no chance in the world!hehe..ang sarap kaya matulog..especially in the morning...when it's already 5minutes for shower and i ony have 30 minutes to prepare for work!hurry ev!you'd be late!mmm...

10. Blog- i love to write...there's just something in blogging that ease my emotions as soon as i've started to pour them out...just keep posting even when it doesn't really have to make sense..sometimes words don't say it all but for sure 3 out of 10 readers will appear to understand what you actually mean...at least may tatlo!;)

I could have written more than ten pleasures but maybe next time...when my mind works best...today is my first day of tutoring again..kinda feeling the need to rekindle some.