17.6.07

Ode to Papa...

I have no idea how my thoughts might go here ,actually. I only wish i could pay tribute to you. A song probably, or a simple composition as my way of thanking you for everything...regardless of how many fights we have had because we often failed to understand each other's view. But finding myself tapping each letter on this pc's keyboard......my mind only goes back to my times when all I remember was when I had so much regret why I didn't grow up close to you. Maybe because there were more pains you inflicted in my heart than more of sweet and thoughtful ones. Even when I was a child,I often wondered why you were not open to my views and opinion and my right to speak was repressed...when I've no choice but to just listen...your voice is the most powerful than all other living creatures. I understand your role in an aspect of a father, but i simply don't understand why you could never allow me to rationalize my way not just as a daughter but as a person.

I don't know if I would blame you for raising me such a person too sensitive and yet too tough. But know that "i love you still and always". I grow too expressive about what I feel towards other people but what a sense of dismay why its so hard to tell you that you are so important to me...other than the acts of respect I remain showing you. I honestly blame you for not teaching me as a child how to be vocal in saying "thank you, i'm sorry, and i love you" to you in all ways. For no matter what, you will always be my father and i will always be your little girl. Now that i'm an adult and you're wrinkled, old and so sensitive, I realized that I should understand you even more. And that I must understand that as a father, your only goal is to protect me in ways I cannot just overview..maybe...because you are not open too about your feelings...i know when you're hurting...your pent-up emotions are poured down into a bottle of hard drinks 'til you drop and that remain your proof.

Happy Father's Day Pa!You will always have a special place in my heart. At least its been awhile since we last heated into an argument...and I can already crack jokes with you. And it's good and even feels great to be open-minded...and thank you so much because your strictness taught me to. I owe you more than any other things in this world...and that is my life.... and your love.... in your own father's way.


3 comments:

krystyna said...

What a special, amazing ode to your Papa!You showed what an unconditional love is! You are great daughter.
Happy Father's Day to your Papa!

ev said...

Thanks Krys for your greetings! A father will always be a father no matter what...and so we just cannot simply treat them less special.

tikey said...

Iba iba tlga mga Ama ng tahanan. iba ibang level ikanga. pero tama ka, we still owe dem our life. Happy fathers day to all fathers.. (late comment.. heheh)