Over the years I have become used to a lot of instances where people closed to me just come and go. When all of my closest friends embrace the new chapter of their lives in marriage, what mostly transpire after is that they lose touch with me for years. Sometimes i wonder if being single only means that i have to feel even more alone and friendless. But I realize that there's more to life than by just being a friend. While I marvel still on the road less traveled, I remain hopeful that someday soon, good old friends will still remember. Oh, well, this is not about me having my own sentiment against them for not remembering, this is about another one great realization that this is the time when I have to be even more welcoming and doubly a best friend to them than the yesteryears.
On the eve of Christmas day when silence dropped and everybody home was already asleep, I sat quietly in front of the t.v screen while still groping for my yawning time. After a couple of minutes, the beeping of my phone brought me almost 15 years back to the time when Ingrid and I became the best of friends. Her message went this way, "It's so tiring and hard to live with the in-laws. Help me ev pray to win the lottery so that my husband and I can buy a house of our own. I will also buy one for you!". I replied, "OK, then..we'll pray for that. And I will not delete this msg. in my inbox so that if by luck you'll win, you owe me a promise that you'll buy a house for me too!ahaha!". I managed to lighten a conversation from her vantage. I already sensed that we'll go serious and somehow it would be easy for her to deal with things.
After awhile, found myself already stuck over our longest conversation ever on the phone after losing touch for years. She then started sharing me the hard buttons they had to hit in their married life: Dealing with her aging in-laws, the suggestions and favors she made that her husband had to reject and the boredom she feels with each passing day. I felt like she was into a marriage counseling with me at that moment. I asked her how long they've been married and she said it's been three years. They have two kids already and have no choice but leave them under a "yaya's" care during working days. I asked if they still go out on a date as couple. She said, just seldom but when they go out, her husband would always be in a hurry thinking of the kids back home. I asked if her husband is still the romantic type but there was silence on the other line. In my mind, three years is too early for them to lose that romance. However, three years is too young for every married couple to be able to say that they've overcome the challenges of time. I know they still have a long way to go.
Talking about romance in marriage is a lot different from talking about commitment. When two people in love only think of the romance as one thing that tied them in marriage, then I guess that sounds fleeting. But when couple start to think of "commitment", well then that sounds lasting. Perhaps, just perhaps, this is one reason why there are a lot of divorce cases, broken marriages and even broken relationships around us. Because most often we mistake a relationship to be only circling round on the feeling of being in love and forget that aside from that, there is one very important thing that will hold you both together in order not to give up and it's commitment. However, I guess to make a relationship really last means working on both romance and commitment together to achieve that balance and happiness. They say it's easy to give advice when you're not in these people's shoe. And so I wonder how will i be if one day soon, I'll find myself in the same shoe.:D
Well, if you have God as the center of your relationship, then I think you two will never go wrong. That conversation may not be enough to teach us about what life is really all about and how to really get over with the test of time in marriage. But one thing for sure: We're both glad that after so many years, we have relived the friendship just in time for Christmas day :)