27.12.08

Reliving a friendship on Christmas day

Over the years I have become used to a lot of instances where people closed to me just come and go. When all of my closest friends embrace the new chapter of their lives in marriage, what mostly transpire after is that they lose touch with me for years. Sometimes i wonder if being single only means that i have to feel even more alone and friendless. But I realize that there's more to life than by just being a friend. While I marvel still on the road less traveled, I remain hopeful that someday soon, good old friends will still remember. Oh, well, this is not about me having my own sentiment against them for not remembering, this is about another one great realization that this is the time when I have to be even more welcoming and doubly a best friend to them than the yesteryears.

On the eve of Christmas day when silence dropped and everybody home was already asleep, I sat quietly in front of the t.v screen while still groping for my yawning time. After a couple of minutes, the beeping of my phone brought me almost 15 years back to the time when Ingrid and I became the best of friends. Her message went this way, "It's so tiring and hard to live with the in-laws. Help me ev pray to win the lottery so that my husband and I can buy a house of our own. I will also buy one for you!". I replied, "OK, then..we'll pray for that. And I will not delete this msg. in my inbox so that if by luck you'll win, you owe me a promise that you'll buy a house for me too!ahaha!". I managed to lighten a conversation from her vantage. I already sensed that we'll go serious and somehow it would be easy for her to deal with things.

After awhile, found myself already stuck over our longest conversation ever on the phone after losing touch for years. She then started sharing me the hard buttons they had to hit in their married life: Dealing with her aging in-laws, the suggestions and favors she made that her husband had to reject and the boredom she feels with each passing day. I felt like she was into a marriage counseling with me at that moment. I asked her how long they've been married and she said it's been three years. They have two kids already and have no choice but leave them under a "yaya's" care during working days. I asked if they still go out on a date as couple. She said, just seldom but when they go out, her husband would always be in a hurry thinking of the kids back home. I asked if her husband is still the romantic type but there was silence on the other line. In my mind, three years is too early for them to lose that romance. However, three years is too young for every married couple to be able to say that they've overcome the challenges of time. I know they still have a long way to go.

Talking about romance in marriage is a lot different from talking about commitment. When two people in love only think of the romance as one thing that tied them in marriage, then I guess that sounds fleeting. But when couple start to think of "commitment", well then that sounds lasting. Perhaps, just perhaps, this is one reason why there are a lot of divorce cases, broken marriages and even broken relationships around us. Because most often we mistake a relationship to be only circling round on the feeling of being in love and forget that aside from that, there is one very important thing that will hold you both together in order not to give up and it's commitment. However, I guess to make a relationship really last means working on both romance and commitment together to achieve that balance and happiness. They say it's easy to give advice when you're not in these people's shoe. And so I wonder how will i be if one day soon, I'll find myself in the same shoe.:D

Well, if you have God as the center of your relationship, then I think you two will never go wrong. That conversation may not be enough to teach us about what life is really all about and how to really get over with the test of time in marriage. But one thing for sure: We're both glad that after so many years, we have relived the friendship just in time for Christmas day :)

10 comments:

Mari said...

You know, Ev, you would make a good counselor. You have the knack to penetrate deep into the subject and assess the problem.

That said, there's that saying, "you can't go back home anymore." Having children changes the whole spectrum of the relationship. Romance may still be there but not as intense as it used to be.

I agree, keep that message just in case. LOL Here's hoping that your friend find a way to move out of the in-laws' place, and go on their own.

Happy New Year!

Isko B. Doo said...

Yes! You've become quite an expert on relationships. Hear! Hear!

wITChy Boop said...

The husband must bring out the best in her and so she is to him. I hope they will keep on inspiring each other so it wont be a boring relationship. Kids will grow up in a happy surrounding then! Hey bes....I will try to communicate more with you. My family is your extended family as well. We love so dearly.
By the ways...it's good to see Isko around here again. The last I heard about him was when Ervs saw him in a drugstore!

Nance said...

It is nice to have a friend like you, ev. You are not judgmental and sounds like you are always there when needed. I'm sure they appreciate that.

Happy 2009 to you!

Ronnie said...

We've all heard it: relationships are two-way streets. Keep them otherwise, they are not fit to be called relationships.

Thanks for sharing Ev.

Have a great 2009!

ghee said...

friends come and go,Ev,but the genuine ones remain in our hearts even there is no way of communication...

its hard to live with the inlaws daw,im so lucky na hindi ko naranasan yun,kaya everytime na dadalaw kami sa kanila,ni hindi ako pinaghuhugas ng pinggan,hehe...

3 years and period of adjustment as a couple,still early to give up and lose the romance...oo,importante yung dates,kaya ako,i do the effort dahil di naman romantic si hubby ko,hehe..someone must lead,in a good way!!

happy new year,mah friend!!im just here and u dont lose me,i hope its the same with you.

hugs,
ghee

Kcee said...

Your post reminded me of my own relationship with my treasured friends. I feel very lucky to have them in my life, and I'm sure your friend feels the same way too.

Happy new year, Ev! Keep in touch! :)

Ash said...

Happy New Year, EV! Have a wonderful 2009 :-)

Nancy said...

Happy New Year, Evs...miss you!

krystyna said...

"If you have God as the center of your relationship"

So true Ev. This is the best way to have happy relationship.

Always the best for you!