She's the only "lola" that I have

Eighty-two years old na si nanay. She's actually my lola.. granny.. grandmother. Nanay ang tawag naming mga apo nya sa kanya..yun na kasi ang aming nakasanayan. Magtatatlong linggo na rin syang nakaratay sa kanyang karamdaman..the doctor said that most of her body organs have been slowly malfunctioning. Matagal na rin syang diabetic. At dala na rin siguro ng katandaan...but we're hopeful.Kahit matanda na si nanay at kelangan na rin magpahinga...mahirap pa rin isipin ang posibilidad dahil sa kanyang karamdaman.

Nung isang linggo,dinala sya sa ospital dahil hirap syang huminga. Hindi ako maka-decide kung papasok ba ako sa school or just stay at the hospital. I wondered if that would be my last time to see her. She was drowsy and so weak in bed hardly able to catch her breath.

Kinabahan ako because at that very instance, she gathered all of her sons and daughters...even her grandchildren. They're all 11 if i counted it right...panganay si papa. Si nanay na lang ang natitira kong grandparent. I am not really close to her..partly because we don't see each other often because she lives in the province. But I love her..kahit may mga favorites sya ok lang.

Sumaglit akong pumasok sa class ko nung araw na yun, i left the hospital for awhile thinking everything will be alright. Nagkataon namang wala pala kaming pasok, kaya bumalik ako ng ospital. Pagbalik ko, andun na halos lahat ng mga anak ni nanay. My aunt,their youngest, kept crying while looking at nanay's condition. And then my initial reaction-- I couldn't bear to see and feel the turmoil and so I went out. I said to myself "ayoko ng ganitong moment"...naaalala ko si kuya.

After three days in the hospital, the doctor advised na pwede na sya ilabas. Not that her condition is better. Pero, para bang "the hospital can no longer do any miracle to save her condition". We're sad. We are even advised to stop giving her medication.

The last time i gave nanay a visit was last saturday, sa bahay ng tita ko. Somehow i felt a bit relieved seeing her a little better and able to converse with me. I saw my aunt and my cousin nursing her like a baby. Hardly able to do things her way..even when responding the call of nature.

Likas sa'tin na we really take care of our old folks even to the last minute. At eto yung isang bagay na i'm proud to know that we have. I pray still for miracle for nanay....and that God may let her stay even a little longer..maybe to prepare her love ones about letting go...I dont know...i hope this is not a selfish wish...just not to feel the hurt...I hate goodbyes.