The Capsules in my mind...

Spending the holiday on National Heroes' Day yesterday was like spending the right moment to figure out things, realize things and sit awhile over things. Hmm..seems like i've lots of realizations lately huh!;0p

Just one idle moment and then i found myself lying in bed in my personal heroes' ( my parents') bedroom. I actually only thought of taking a nap on a hot monday afternoon..not in my room but that of my parents. As i opened the window, I felt the fresh air blowing from the outside while I looked at with enthusiasm the wonderful color of the blue skies above. As my mind wandered while unable to close my eyes, i noticed the capsules neatly placed on the side table near the bed. I know these are not just capsules that we can buy over- the -counter but these are prescribed by the doctors to a not-just-ordinary ailment. These are capsules with high dosage.

I stared at the medicines box for like awhile and i have neither any idea to what cure these capsules are but in my mind...i felt that there's so much difference of my parents lifestyle. And then I remember the times when my parents were still filled with vigor or enough strength to do hard work things for us when we were younger. Though the success that we enjoy being able to finish our studies is the fruit of my parents' labor, I still couldnt help but admire their struggles for us.

I wonder why it had to take me that moment to finally realize that my parents are already in their old age. And part of aging is to maintain some supplementary medicines inorder to stay in good shape...aside from the medicines for hypertension, diabetes,heart ailment,etc.

After that idle scene, a wake up call came to me that i havent been home for a long time after all...and that i was often out for work , study and even with friends than spending wisely my time with my parents who might have already found their new best friends to sustain from the stresses of life.

And that their new companions in the daily doses of life are no longer their children...but the capsules in my mind.


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Hamon ng buhay....

Parang sandali akong nayanig ng mga pangyayari sa paligid ko, hindi lang dahil magulo pa rin sa Mindanao dahil patuloy pa rin ang mga giyera,patayan at terorismo...at maging pala sa personal ko ring buhay. Hindi naman ako naghihikahos...sapat naman ang kinikita ko upang kahit papano ay mamuhay ng desente. At dapat lang na masaya ako sa buhay dahil yun ang tama. But I guess I am a big wrong...and that money cannot buy everything. Ito ang pinakamalaki kong reyalisasyon sa buhay. Na hindi pala talaga lahat ng kaligayahan ng tao kayang tapatan ng bagay o pera.

Malungkot ang paligid ko..paano ko magagawang sarilihin ang maging masaya kung apektado pala ako. Sabi ng isa kong kaibigan..."pagod na akong magpakabanal, ev!"...para akong nalunod sa lungkot nung marinig ko yun sa kanya. Sana kaya ko ibsan ang kanyang sakit na nararamdaman. Sabi naman ng isa ko pang kaibigan, "mahirap kapag yung tama ang kelangan gawin..dahil minsan may halong sakripisyo."

Minsan kapag di ko na kaya sagutin mga tanong ng isang nasasaktan na pwede ring isa ako sa kanila, tumitingala nalang ako sa langit...baka sakaling nasa ulap lang ang mga sagot at lunas ng nararamdamang lungkot. Sabi nga sa kanta ni Yeng sa "hawak- kamay" di ba?

Masarap ang mabuhay , sa totoo lang. We have all the things in the world so freely laid to us by God. Nasa atin na lang siguro ang diskarte kung paano natin ito harapin o tanggapin ng nakangiti kahit sa sulok ng puso natin, may kirot palang nararamdaman. Ang drama talaga pala ng buhay ano? Akala natin sa mga teleserye o movie lang natin napapanuod. Parang extra-challenge...kapag di ka pumasa sa pagsubok, talo ka sa laban ng buhay. Pero paano nga ba ang di matinag...tao lang naman tayo..mahina..mahina tayo dahil nakadepende tayo sa sarili nating lakas at kakayahan.

Sabado ngayon, bukas ay araw ng linggo...kapag nagsimba ako bukas and i will surrender all my weaknesses to God..lalabas kaya ako ng simbahan na nakangiti?...yung totoong ngiti ha..because God already eases my pain away and carry the load for me.

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Quote for the day...

"Whenever you are confronted with an opponent, conquer him with love."
-by Gandhi

...might be really hard for the part of being human...martyrdom as one may say. but then somehow it is only by love that true wisdom is gained...nothing more,nothing less.

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my detour...

truly, there's a right time for everything. i have long anticipated the moment where i can travel for sometimes to at least give myself a head on out from my ordinary routine and enjoy watching the overflowing gifts of nature like the the wonderful sceneries that can be seen while on the way to my real destination. and that will give me enough realization that i ,indeed, live in a world so rich and beautiful .

and so on a sunny saturday afternoon, i packed bits of my personal belongings and did my own detour onward to Gensan city, the tuna capital of the philippines. the travel took three hours if you are going to ride on a non-stop bus, but i guess it would take four hours if you are going to ride a bus that would take one stop to Digos,another town before reaching Gensan city. i jam-packed myself into a non-stop bus to hopefully get there at the expected time that my friend there will be fetching me.

i told myself, this is it!i had to give myself a good-luck voyage as my first time to be really travelling alone in a place where bombers were once ever present. this has been my fears..i swear..but to my state of mind i kept thinking that if things odd are meant to happen, they will really happen..its just a matter of faith and courage, i know.

i tried not to get asleep during my travel...i truly wanted to enjoy looking at the wonderful sceneries as far as my eyes can see and feel the joy of contentment that my life is actually as vast as the sea. the wide farms..the green trees...and the mountains are indeed beautiful!

the city is very industrialized and still continued to develop. the folks of GenSan city are very cordial. well, observant as i may seem i am actually amazed to have noticed that i felt the sense of simplicity and contentment of the community settlers and even realized that i never saw a single beggar while my best friend accompanied me to their malls and marketplace.

most of my closest friends are from General Santos City and so its not at all a matter of curiosity for me to invade the place but a great chance to be feeling the environment where great persons i met,and eventually became a part of me, are coming from.i miss them actually as i travelled head on. i miss my very good friends gladys and sheng hoping they're just around,too bad i lost sheng's contact number. but then my travel's still worth a thousand smiles because finally i get to be reunited with my bestfriends back in college who are also a native of Gensan. i had a wonderful time with them, really. my two-day vacation seems like a whole year of experience of laugh and excitement with my friends around.

....as i go back to my hometown, davao , i know i am already bringing within me a memory that shall never fade. and a realization that we all are travellers in our own way in dealing with life. ..the only difference is that, sometimes we took too long and stay in one place when we can actually go and see what's at the far end.....its when we never stop to think that there's more about being our self and our destination in life... waiting to be realized.


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For more than a year and a half , I could say that I am truly fulfilled in this one aspect in my life where I find the opportunity to write down my thoughts here and meet great minds and kind people in blogosphere. As I look at all my posts here, I never realized that my jourmey would come this far.. some of my post maybe pointless while some are of great relevance.

Well, I wish to write more so that one day, when I am older and can no longer read letters on computer screen...when my fingers will no longer have the vigor of a young one, I will have my own compilation of all my writings(documented experiences!hehe) in a book. I do hope. And I will be one of the very good non-fiction writers in Asia. Wish ko lang!haha!;0)Well, histories are what become of us.

This is my journey and along with this is the sailing that was never easy...not easy for me because for all the tides that I went through, all of you my readers have become a big part of it..and I embrace with...regardless of how you react on them..and of course for all the happy events shared...your unselfish responses are overwhelming plus the friendship that we've greatly interwoven to even make worthwhile connections.

I say, we sail and cross the tide together. And I was able to give you the "ev" online a real picture of the "Evelyn" as the real me. All of us write because we feel the need to write.....feelings... and not just mere words and letters.

Given the space and time...I hopefully want to keep my little boat "the journey" from sailing...

But every journey has a destination. And so this time i will have to anchor my little boat of reflection for awhile. And when I am ready to share again another chapter of me then only right time will tell.

And while I am away, I will have tikey to take charge of this little haven for awhile. Thank you tikey for everything...for your patience and for your thoughtfulness. You are one of my most memorable online friends ever!

Thank you to all bloggers, my readers! So long.... and keep sailing!

"Truly, the most beautiful things are not seen nor touched but just felt by the heart."
- ev

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I wanna cry...
I dont know...
but it seems to me that
sadness just creep my veins entirely.
I wanna cry...
I simply wanna cry...
or maybe shout out loud,
so that I can let go off this feeling..
I don't know..

I dropped by the church awhile ago..
Lit a candle..
...prayed utterly helpless and hard..
So hard that I so want an answer right away..
But as I go back to my journey..
I feel only silence..
and the cold wind blowing me softly..
Must be God talking to me thru nature..
I dont know...but it must be Him..
Him with me...also feeling my pain.

Deep in the Heart

“We often wonder: how come that happened to us? All of a sudden I saw myself surrounded by people who were willing to reflect on the meaning of life. What could I say to these people, if all that had happened in my life was to enter an abbey at an early age and later be put in charge of directing this same abbey for 26 years?”

“I think that people look at me as if I had an answer to everything. But all that I decided to do was speak a little about myself. To say that my faith is capable of keeping me alive and enthusiastic and to go ahead despite the moments of pessimism. Then I explained my motto: if I ever make a false step and get dragged down to the bottom, this will never be done in a quiet manner. Everyone will see and hear me shouting, kicking, and waving flags so that I can serve as an alert for those who will come later.

“Because of this motto, I know that I will hardly make others follow me in my errors, and so I manage to master my fear and risk sailing my boat into unknown waters. I know, of course, that if I begin to drown, despite all the noise that I will be making, I will still be able to raise my hand and beg: God, please come to my help! In all certainty I will be heard, and a new path will be opened”.

“In his article, Paulo Coelho comments that he was surprised to see that I introduced him using a text from his book “Eleven minutes” (Note – the book is all about sex and prostitution, no wonder I was surprised!). I read an extract from the diary of the main character, where she tells the story of a lovely bird who used to visit her. She admired it so much that one day she decided to keep it in a cage so that she could always have its singing and its beauty near her. As the days went by, she grew used to the new company and lost that wonderful feeling of waiting for that free soul to come visit her from time to time, without being obliged to do so. The bird in turn was unable to sing in captivity, and ended up dying. Only then did she understand that love needs freedom to express all its charm – although freedom implies risks.

“We tend to want to capture things because we usually see freedom as something that has no borders or responsibilities. And because of this we also end up trying to enslave all that we love – as if egoism were the only way to keep our world well balanced. Love does not limit, it broadens our horizons, we can see clearly what lies outside and we can see even more clearly the dark places in our heart.

--By Paulo Coelho

Lets all read and learn on the story of his journey, struggles, temptations, frustrations, joys and triumphs in living out in faith the Memoirs of a Sojourner by David Woon.


I love them so....

My kids!Joke! With me here are the dearest kids in my life...my nephews. My family can't imagine life at all without these three boylets in our life. And that no matter how butthead they may be sometimes , I say that we still get to spoil them in a way.

I like this shot! Kay murag ako ra ang bida!bwahahaha! My first time to go out as a nanny to them on a sunny sunday morning to hear mass together. I was surprised to notice them so behave during this day inside the church. Not the usual wacky kids I used to realize before. Hmm...just maybe this time they have grown to be a little matured. ;0)

Got this photos while waiting outside the church for the next mass to begin. Seems like I actually found it hard to fit our faces in the picture...hehe! We only get to see them on the weekend.;0( And I actually miss them bugging around the house this weekend. Maybe next time.

Oh! how I love them so...;0)