trivia lang:ever since hindi pa naranasan ng lola nyo magblow ng candle sa cake sa kaarawan nito!!huhuhu!kaya eto..nag-i-imagine!hehehe!pero wag ka..di pa nagbirthday ang lola na walang inihaw na manok mula kay papa..lumang paniniwala tapos nakasanayan na sa amin..tapos ipapahid sa noo at wrist(ano nga ba tagalog ang wrist?nge!kalimutan ko!)ang konting dugo ng inihaw na manok...di ko alam kong anong explanation nun sa mga matatanda..basta ang alam ko para may swerte sa mga darating na taon!naku!sana naman!!
yup!this is the day that the Lord has made and my parents rejoice dahil ipinanganak ang napakacute na sanggol na hanggang ngayon pinanindigan na talaga ang pagiging cute!hehe!walang magre-react!blog ko 'to!kasi naman di na talaga ako tumangkad!mas mataas naman ako kay ate Glo no!pero k lang..at least masasabi pa rin ng tao: "si evz 15 something na!" when actually "20 something na!"( ang tanong ilan kaya yung something?)hehehe!naks!nakuha nyo ba humor ko?korny!
inaaliw ko lang self ko...hayy naku..i have to coz this is my day.
ang ganda ng bungad ng araw sa'kin first thing in the morning...while riding in a jeepney way home, akalain nyong pinara ng pulis ang sinakyan ko..may violation ata si manong driver..pagdating ko sa may kanto sa amin dumaan muna ako ng simbahan, malapit lang kasi church hauz namin..usal ako ng konting dasal kay Lord..pasasalamat sa isang bago na namang kabanata ng buhay ni evz...then nagtirik ng kandila na pinaghintay pa talaga ako ng nagbibinta ng candle..ewan ko kung natagalan lang sa banyo...pag-uwi ko ng bahay..akalain ko ba namang biglang nagtalo sina mama at papa..usual naman yun pero sana naman pinalampas muna nila ang araw na 'to, nag-usap din naman ng matino pagkalipas ng ilang oras...hayy naku natawa na lang ako..at pabiro kong nasabi kay Lord, "kasama ba ako sa friendster list mo Lord?parang things don't seem to fall into place ata this morning!hehehe!"..pero biro lang yun! ok lang naman ako ngayon..you know, real happiness should come from within not from the outside force..we cannot please everybody naman talaga in for whatever circumstance in life..kelangan lang siguro lagi tayo handa sa mga kaganapan sa paligid natin...sa lahat ng pagkakataon dahil walang pinipiling oras ang mga masasaya o malulungkot na bagay sa mundo...kahit birthday mo pa evz!:)...kaya naman mahal na mahal ko talaga parents ko...sa kabila ng pagtatalo nila ay naipagluto pa rin ako ng masarap na pancit, manok at lumpia ni mama...mmmm..namiss ko ata family ko...i'm at work most of the day and i only have three to four hours time spent with my family..kalungkot talaga!first time ko 'to nagbirthday na wala sa bahay ng buong araw...
salamat sa mga kaibigan ko at kamag-anak na bumati sa akin sa araw na ito!i may not be rich with material things here on earth but for sure may isang bagay akong maipagmamalaki..that..i am rich with people and friends!!Knowing this..in my heart i could not ask God for more...thank God for all!
happy birthday self!:)
When my brother passed away...at his early 30's..leaving his three kids behind..i felt like I wanna bargain my life for him. If I may recall how I was taken aback when the news broke to us...my nerves in callous...my mind in complete surrendering...and my heart in great pain...I must say now that this must have been the same feeling when Mama Mary was in deep sorrow when Jesus died on the cross and she as a mother being left helpless. And then again I remember how my mother wept and how much I saw my father for the first time broke into tears. That was pathetic!The concern was not at all 'bout my own feelings but that of those who gave big brother life on earth..my parents...and kuya as the first child of six siblings...feelings that no amount of words could just barely define.
I knew then I was not alone. My faith as a believer I really did succumb. My family then seemed like with nowhere to go. That hollow thing in our emotional aspect. The numbness in our life went obvious. I said to myself at the end of the day that I will not be seeing big brother anymore. The smiles... that somehow may just had been left unnoticed by me back then when he was still at my reach. The moments when we would go in marathon who's to hold the t.v's remote control and be the master what channel we had to watch from against our will...and the simple favor he'd asked to fetch his kids to school that I even ended up arguing. Ahhh! These are momentum I recount during my sleepless nights of trying to figure out his countenance still much filled with what if's and if only's in my heart and mind. His picture I could still clearly memorize.
Now that we have finally moved on..it is best to remember him, already an accomplished christian and experiencing the kind of happiness that every believer hope to have, something infinite and true...and it's being with our God. We might seemed to have been enjoying the life that God has lent for us but to look at life in its deepest perspective and in ultimate end...one day we will have to go and say "mission accomplished" in front of the Giver of Life.
To top it all, I wanna say "thank you Lord for sharing us the life of our big brother!" I may not had been able to show him how grateful i am to have him as my "kuya" and may not grew up too close as siblings...in my heart...of the same blood and genes that run through our viens..I know I love him so!
I miss you kuya...so much!!!
Lord forgive my tears at this very hour of my recollection...just that i am only human.
bespren..naloka ako sa kaserola!..grabee..you are really full of surprises!i luv it!u have always been so unique..kaya labs kita!tell ervien i appreciate his effort! naku!i-blog talaga!pwede namang i-txt na lang!hehehe..la lang..feel ko eh!
i don't know why i come up with this saying...ang alam ko lang ay along the way i realize na tayo naman talaga gumagawa ng ating kapalaran..kumbaga, how will i know what's at the distance if i would not begin to take a step..opps!i hope may relevance ang mga sinasabi kong to sa saying ko...actually at this point in time wala naman talaga akong ibang maisip..in my heart i've so much to tell but then again i could hardly bring them into words..kung simulan ko kaya kwento ko when i was still a kid and how i came to be here...sure thing it would be a novel of thousand pages!where some parts have no thrill while some have..subukin ko kayang gumawa ng telenovela?mag-hit kaya?
araw-araw kasi na sumasakay ako ng jeepney where i encounter different kind of people..when i look at them..closely..maiisip ko talaga na... of their different facial expressions..by just looking at them..i'm sure these people have interesting story to tell sa mga sari-sarili nilang buhay...and curious ako to find out whose got the most controversial one..hehehe..tsismosa din pala akew! well,looking back to my saying..life is really a very interesting thing...if i would look around me..alam ko sa mga panahon na humaharap ako sa mga challenges ng buhay..hindi ako nag-iisang lumalaban..andyan ka..andyan sila...at higit sa lahat andyan si God.
i must confess na minsan..napapaisip din ako kung ano kaya kung ako yung isa sa mga pulubi na namamalimos sa gilid ng mga pathways...kayanin ko kaya? tinatanong ko sarili ko bakit sila nasa lansangan? naks!parang nagsenti na ako nito! but then seriously, yah! i could say that i'm luckier to be in this world able to enjoy life with nice clothes, provided with good shelter and with a decent job...and supportive family..siguro naman these are enough reasons para sumbatan ko self ko na wala ako karapatan magreklamo sa buhay...
last week, i spent holy week at my lola's province..naupo lang ako sa gilid ng tindahan ng lola ko kung saan may nagkukwentohan..ang dami ko na nasagap na kwento..even if i would refuse to listen..maiintriga ka talaga sa update ng buhay nila..daig pa yung mga teleserye na napapanuod natin sa tv... na si ganito maraming utang..na nag-away sila dahil sa utang..na si ganito lasinggo..at si ganito nakipag-away sa kapitbahay..na si ganito walang trabaho..istambay..na si ganito nakapag-asawa ng sugarol..na si ganito nag-asawa at nabuntis ng maaga...ang malas naman ni ganito no?if i would put their stories together in one setting but of different characters and roles siguro panalo na ko sa Palanca Awards..baka mapantayan ko pa si Nick Joaquin na isang sikat na writer.
hayy naku!sana naman may koneksyon ang mga pinagsasabi ko...la lang..just to release the surge of wanting to sleep at this unholy hour...but i'm sure may katuturan pa rin to... i just realize na importante pala ang bawat natin paghakbang..ganun ka rin ba?..ikaw na nagbabasa ngayon nito..ano kaya kwento ng buhay mo?
salamat kaibigan...sa walang sawang pakikinig ng teleserye ng totoo kong buhay...for the first time wala yata akong ibang masabi maliban sa simpleng "thank you"...my God...believe me...i almost wanna feel lyk cryin...ikaw lang nakakapagpagaan ng dibdib ko ng ganito fren...isipin ko lang na ur my one big fan , feeling ko mas dinaig ko pa titulo ni Juday!...sana lang wag ka magsawa..funny na baya ko ron..nagmana pala ako sayo after all...hehehe...maaring ako lang ang kaibigan mo na walang bagay na maipamamana sayo maliban sa pagtitiwala at pagmamahal bilang tunay na kaibigan mo...wala akong kayamanan sa mundo fren..i swear...wala akong bagay na maipagmalaki sayo na pag-aari ko...but the pureness of my intention..my friendship..
naku..!.ano ba to!kaloka! akala ko ba funny na ko...mukhang nagdrama na naman ako...sensya na fren..sige na nga...hindi ko na hahabaan to...lam ko naiyak ka na.
i luv u bespren!!Thanks for being there...even when i dont have to speak out..but you still listen...by heart.
to:Ms. Luvly Patricio-Mendoza
I may be a devote catholic...i make sure i never missed sunday mass..i have always found real peace, inner peace when inside a church...i am loyal to my religion..i know that God is just everywhere..But i must admit that no matter how much i would keep that faith remain intact..a part of me is still controlled by the strong grip of the reality of life..a life that is so earthly...shallow...so physical...no profoundness...the search for a life that is so temporal...and i was starstruck one day to have gotten this text message: " I was searchin for true love but I couldn't find one..to my surprise, I found Him...hangin on the cross, dyin for my sins, a man named JESUS...may you find true meaning of Life thru HIM!"
Such a realization....and it's something amazing...He has to die for such a great cost..."TRUE LOVE".
i don't know why i find such relief when i would begin to cuddle my pet dog..there's just this touch in her that melt the tough part of me esp. when she would start to sit on my lap and lick my face like i've been gone for years.
hidey..that's what i name her..she used to hide under the table,chair,cabinet or any place where she felt safe from being touched...the most aloof pup in the world..now my hidey is almost a year older...with her fur shining...she has such a cute face and beautiful hair that i can't resist to touch and hug...might be weird to be too fun with pets but i grew up lover of them..mind you..i never run out of tears each time my dogs before would get sick and even end up to their final breath..walang paglagyan ang luha ko!!!grabeee...ask my siblings and they'd be the first to laugh at my ka-weirdo-han!i remember a friend once told me "unsaon na lang kaha daw kon uyab na mawala!"...deep inside i felt ashamed and even laughed at the idea...yet i still believe that dogs are man's best friend...animals have great significance in our lives...its such a soothing feeling when my dog wags her tail each time i would get home after a long day tiresome activity at work...the fact that there's this humble creature waiting excitedly to be noticed even when i hardly do at times....aside from being the 'bantay' when a stranger approach...their luv i guess is unconditional once you get their trust...mmm..i miss my dog..feels like i wanna be home again.
Note: the pic. above is not hidey but just looks like her.
"pa'no na itich!!"
....juz few of the expressions commonly heard...used by today's gen-X esp. gays..actually without meaning that's why its called "expression"..i wonder if there were expressions like these during the time of Rizal or Bonifacio...but of course there were gays during those era...jz that they might be more reserved than the present period...if this is the kind of language/expression that we can produce during this time, i wonder what else could our grand or great generation could utter many years from now.....and i hope they can still end up able to understand their own comfortable "lingua franca" (if i may call it) ...we filipinos are actually good at making joke out of everything that even politicians, high-ups or respected people in the society end up to be our laughing stock when they are imitated by mostly gays...nothing against gays...in fairness they're the most easy people to deal with..and these expressions mark our ability to entertain ourselves despite of the poverty that the country is facing....it helps in fact...no worry for the coming generation about not being able to develop a sense of good communication skills by finding these expressions as substitute to being lack of vocabulary...we have every now and then newly produced milks to create geniuses like "promil, sustagen, etc."...and truly kids nowadays have amazing reasoning! if these milks were already produced back to some decades in the past..wow!would i be able to avail it?i could have great mind!!hehehe...sometimes i would still believe that the milk helps...but sometimes its also the "genes" like how an ad goes...well back to "gay's lingua"..this is all i can say...."my motherich wrinkled when my gay friend phoned me and all we did the whole time were saying these expressions after every end of our dialogue!". For sure she was amazed but of no choice but to listen with her brow raised.:-)
"The best of ones' journey is not where he's final destination may be but what are experienced along the way..."
I could not begin to tell you how I feel today. For several times i'd endured the thought of not minding where we'd headed. But this time I want to be at peace with myself. I think every story has to have its final page. And this is it. This does'nt mean that i've stopped loving and caring for you..just that i have to so i can pave way for the best to come. Might be sad to realize that I could not consider ours as one but you definitely made still a wonderful difference. I will always cherish the times when i shared memories with you, especially the happy ones. Up to this moment, I could not clearly define what kind of relationship was it we were building...all i know is that we were able to create a special kind of friendship that only our hearts knew its real meaning. And I know its still something tangible and genuine. Though we went thru misunderstandings that add up spice in this journey we're making, I never despise the first time you said "hi!" to start a wonderful and rewarding friendship.
Thanks for the happy times...for every heartbeat when life's just seemed so easy to bear because of the smiles that you effortlessly painted on my face. I could never be bitter when I see couples holding hands to express their love...when i hear musics that speak of what entails loving...and when i go watch love stories that might have depicted ours somehow. Our distance before made you near me still,by just making me a part of your daily struggle. But that was over. We'd made already history. So that when we're older, we'll have beautiful stories to narrate to our grandchildren.
My gratitude for having a timely intervention in my life. I know by now you're happy. I wouldn't care to ask at all what came to you after the promises (if i may call it as one)...and i wouldn't care to find the answer out of it either. We just couldn't go on hurting each other coz in this world we all deserve to be happy. And if that happiness is not for what we'd started, that could be for what we are about to start with somebody else. Goodbye is the hardest word that anybody could utter, but it's the sweetest for more wonderful people waiting to be making memories with us. I wish you happiness in for whatevever decision you'll be making.
You have remained mysterious to me but I wouldn't care to find out what's behind this mystery at all. All i know is that "I've finlly moved on."
...i woke up this morning without being in a hurry to be late for work....i guess this is the moment when i would savor my every waking hour like being able to stretch my body for a minute and look at idly out of my window to appreciate the sunshine. the kids are off for school.my long month off for tutoring...hayyy!got to breath enough! i'm also on a vacation. but not tonight coz i've work to attend...a detour far from teaching...i look around me..all of my siblings are out for work. mother is in the kitchen while popcy is outside the house tending his chickens that he's been raising since.oh..the house' so quiet. when was the last time t'was filled noise by how my brothers, sisters and I would quarrel over small things?...back when we were yet matured to work independently on our own and earn a living. now, the house has appeared to be like boarding house. i wonder what my parents could have been thinking. i know they're ok...being used into it. just that i realize it now.sometimes i couldn't help but worry for them, i just noticed while i talked to mama this morning, her hair has turned white..(though mom doesn't actually look like her age coz she's pretty...mmm..where i got mine?char lang!:-)...my folks are getting older and much of our time together is needed.it gave me a sense of fulfillment to be able to give them a good food-trip-treat out during my payday no matter how meager my income may be.no amount of money could pay the moments together,anyway.being with your family is such a real blessing.we might haven't grown up to be close and open to our emotions but we can manage to be for each other still during each other's crisis time.(y'know like talkin bout financial stability).anyway,oh!speaking of payday..just got mine today uh!mmm...what's new in pizza store or restau for the folks?but wait!!i only bought four items in the grocery this pm but twas almost a hundred pesos worth!uh!uh!think the EVAT has ruined my budget..tsk.tsk.
anyway,gotta off the topic... being at work this late...think i miss my pillow!but got to work first!!!